A month ago I was having one of the worst days I have had in years. Every facet in my life felt like it was in a downward spiral, and I felt totally powerless to change any of it. After enough stuff hits the fan, you can't help but start to question if YOU are the problem. You begin to question everything about what you are doing, you start to wonder if you actually ARE a terrible person, etc. The condemning thoughts that are normally held at bay come crashing into your heart and mind, and that only compounds all the anxiety and confusion you are already dealing with.
It all came to a head as I was driving in traffic. I was stopped and someone slammed into my car from behind. I hit my head into my door and started groaning, not just out of pain, but just sheer frustration. The first thought that went through my head was "When it rains, it pours".
I got out, cars speeding by on the freeway, and watched as the driver of the other car got out. He was in his 20s, had just got off work, looked exhausted, and had a guilty look on his face.
I had so much frustration, stress, and anger stored up from everything that had been going on in my life. I don't ever flip out, but this was my moment. If there was any understandable time to lose it, this was it. My gates of wrath were about to be opened on this dude. He was 100% responsible for this accident. Finally, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the bad thing that had happened was in no way my fault.
But suddenly I realized that knocking this guy out on the side of the road wasn't the most powerful thing I could do. Suddenly I realized that, considering my circumstances, the most powerful thing I could do to this guy was to totally let him off the hook. No explanation....just grace.
I said with a smile, "You ran into the right guy."
"What?" he said.
"It's cool. Take off before the cops come. Bless you buddy." I said.
Relieved and bewildered, he got back into his car and drove off.
And for the first time in weeks I felt powerful.